


Fellowship of the Ring in 10 Minutes or Less

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fellowship of the Ring, Humor, War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the Fellowship of the Ring in a nut shell! What else is there to say but review?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fellowship of the Ring in 10 Minutes or Less

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

Disclaimer: I don’t own it, no matter how much I wanna, I don’t. WAAAAAA

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring in 10 Minutes or Less

Galadriel: The world has changed. That’s for sure. Rings of power were made. That evil guy Sauron made one secretly. He defeated lots of things. Isildur killed him. Isildur got the Ring and died. Gollum found the Ring. It abandoned him. Bilbo found the Ring.

~*~  
Frodo: You’re late.  
Gandalf: No I’m not. Not much happening outside the Shire. Bye.  
~*~  
Gandalf: (Knocks on Bilbo’s door.)  
Bilbo: NO!  
Gandalf: Yes.  
Bilbo: Oh hey Gandalf.  
Gandalf: Still going through with the plan?  
Bilbo: Yeah. I’m leaving after the party.  
~*~  
(Fireworks.)  
Frodo: Sam, dance with Rosie.  
Bilbo: I’m old! Goodbye! (Puts on Ring)  
Hobbits: Oh no!  
~*~  
Gandalf: Give up the Ring Bilbo.  
Bilbo: No.  
Gandalf: Seriously.  
Bilbo: Ok. (Drops Ring) Bye. (leaves)  
~*~  
Frodo: He left?  
Gandalf: Yeah. Here’s a Ring. It’s evil. You gotta go. Now. Come on Sam. Oh yeah. Never put it on.  
~*~  
Sam: Hey, if I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.  
Frodo: Wow. Let’s go. Remember what Bilbo said.  
~*~  
Saruman: Hey it’s Gandalf. Hi.  
Gandalf: Hey. I found the Ring. A hobbit had it.  
Saruman: You’re slow for noticing this now. Let’s use the palantir to join with Sauron. It’s very wise.  
Gandalf: You’re mad.  
Saruman: Now I’ll beat you up Matrix style.  
Gandalf: Bring it on.  
Saruman: Stupid. Live on top of my tower.  
~*~  
Sam: Where’s Mister Frodo?!?!!? Oh there you are.  
Frodo: Yeah.  
Merry: Hello Frodo.  
Pippin: We’ll come with you on your quest.  
Sam: Watch out for the Ringwraiths.  
Frodo: We gotta go.  
~*~  
(Bree)  
Frodo: Let us in.  
Pippin: Yep. Frodo’s my cousin.  
Frodo: Oops I put on the Ring.  
Strider: We gotta talk. I know what you’re doing.  
Frodo: I’m frightened.  
Sam: Let him go!  
Strider: We gotta go. Can’t wait for Gandalf.  
~*~  
(walking)  
Strider: This was a watchtower. It’s called Weathertop. We stay here tonight. Here’s some swords. Don’t move.  
Merry: Want some tomatoes?  
Frodo: (waking up) No! Put out the fire you fools!  
Pippin: Ash in my tomatoes.  
(Ringwraiths come. Frodo puts on Ring and gets stabbed.)  
Frodo: Ow.  
Strider: He needs elvish medicine. Bad sword.  
~*~  
Sam: He’s going cold.  
Strider: Go get Kingsfoil.  
~*~  
Arwen: Hey Aragorn. I caught you off your guard.  
~*~  
(Arwen goes up to Frodo)  
Arwen: Hey. I’m here to help you. Uh oh. He’s dying, He’s not gonna last. Been looking for you. Ringwraiths are behind you. Gotta go.  
Aragorn: Bye. Be careful.  
Sam: You’re crazy! Don’t let him go!  
~*~  
Arwen: Oh no the Ringwraiths. Come and claim him. Don’t die Frodo.  
Elrond: Live.  
~*~  
Frodo: Hey I’m in Rivendell. Hi Gandalf. Where’d you come from.  
Gandalf: Not important. But Saruman beat me up.  
Sam: Bless you you’re awake.  
Gandalf: Elrond saved you.  
Elrond: Hi Frodo.  
~*~  
Frodo: Hi Merry and Pippin. Ohmigosh its Bilbo.  
Bilbo: Hey Frodo. I finished my book.  
Frodo: Wow. I’m not like you Bilbo.  
~*~  
Frodo: Leaving so soon?  
Sam: We did what we had to. I’m ready.  
Frodo: Me too.  
~*~  
Gandalf: He’ll never be the same again.  
Elrond: And he still has the Ring. It can't stay here you know. Our list of allies grow thin.  
Gandalf: It is in men we place our hope.  
Elrond: It’s their fault in the 1st place. Stupid Isildur.  
Gandalf: There’s one man that can bring them back.  
Elrond: He chose exile.  
~*~  
Boromir: Hey it’s the blade the killed Sauron. Ow. Still sharp.  
~*~  
Arwen: You’re not Isildur you know.  
Aragorn: Same weaknesses though.  
Arwen: You’ll defeat it.  
~*~  
Arwen: Do you remember when we met?  
Aragorn: Yeah.  
Arwen: Long years passed. Remember what I told you?  
Aragorn: You’d bind yourself to me.  
Arwen: Right. I’d rather be with you than be immortal. I chose a mortal life.  
Aragorn: You can't give me this.  
Arwen: Yes I can.  
(kiss)  
~*~  
Elrond: Strangers… unite or fall. Bring me the Ring, Frodo.  
Boromir: It’s a gift! Let’s use it!  
Aragorn: You cannot wield it.  
Boromir: How do you know, ranger?  
Legolas: This is no mere ranger, this is Aragorn.  
Boromir: You’re Isildur’s heir?  
Aragorn: Yeah.  
Boromir: Gondor needs no king.  
Gandalf: He’s right. Can't use it.  
Elrond: Then destroy it.  
Gimli: Ok. (tries to destroy it.)  
Elrond: Stupid. You can't. You must go to Mt. Doom and destroy it. It’s the only way.  
Boromir: You just don’t walk in Mordor. It’s dark and smelly.  
Legolas: It has to be destroyed.  
Gimli: And you think you can do it? I’ll be dead before you get it.  
Frodo: I’ll take it.  
Gandalf: I’ll come.  
Aragorn: Me too.  
Legolas: And me.  
Gimli: And me.  
Boromir: Gondor will see it done.  
Sam: I’m coming too.  
Elrond: Eavesdropper.  
Merry: We’re coming too!  
Pippin: You need intelligent people.  
Elrond: You’re the Fellowship of the Ring.  
Pippin: Right.  
~*~  
Bilbo: Here’s some mithril. And Sting. Put on the mithril.  
Frodo: (unbuttons shirt)  
Bilbo: Oh, the Ring. Lemme see it.  
Frodo: No.  
Bilbo: NYAA!!!! Oh no I’m so sorry.  
~*~  
Gandalf: Let’s go.  
Boromir: Good sword fighting Pippin.  
Gimli: We’re going the long way. Let’s go to Moria.  
Gandalf: No.  
Boromir: OW!  
Sam: What’s that?  
Gimli: Nothing.  
Legolas: SPIES! HIDE!  
(everybody hides)  
Saruman: So they’re going to Caradhras.  
~*~  
(Caradhras)  
Frodo: Oh no I fell. Where’s the Ring?  
Boromir: Ooooh, pretty.  
Aragorn: Give it up.  
Legolas: Saruman is trying to bring down the mountain.  
Gimli: Let’s go to Moria.  
Frodo: Ok.  
~*~  
Gandalf: Speak friend and enter. Oh no. It won't open.  
Frodo: It’s a riddle. Elvish word for friend. Now.  
Gandalf: Mellon.  
(doors open)  
Gimli: Ah, Moria.  
Boromir: Oh no it’s a tomb. Get out.  
Frodo: MY LEG!  
Sam: KILL IT!  
(they’re trapped in the mines)  
Gandalf: Long journey. Let’s go.  
~*~  
Gandalf: I have no memory of the place.  
Frodo: Hey it’s Gollum.  
Gandalf: I know.  
Frodo: I wish the Ring never came to me.  
Gandalf: That’s life. Oh yeah it’s that way.  
~*~  
Gandalf: Dwarf city.  
Sam: Wow.  
Gimli: Balin’s dead. Wa.  
Gandalf: I’m reading the book.  
Legolas: We gotta go.  
Gandalf: We can’t get out. You fool of a Took.  
Legolas: ORCS!  
(fighting happens, Frodo is stabbed and falls)  
Gandalf: Uh oh.  
Aragorn: Not good. Oh wait he’s alive.  
Frodo: I’m ok. I wore mithril.  
Gimli: You surprise me.  
(more orcs come)  
Gandalf: To the bridge!  
Boromir: What is this new devilry?  
Gandalf: A balrog. RUN!  
~*~  
(everybody jumps over the gap on some stairs, Aragorn and Frodo are left)  
Aragorn: Lean forward.  
Legolas: Gotcha.  
~*~  
(everybody goes over the bridge)  
Gandalf: You cannot pass.  
Balrog: GRR!  
(Gandalf falls)  
Frodo: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
~*~  
Aragorn: Lothlorien. Now.  
Boromir: Give them a moment.  
Aragorn: Too many orcs. Come on.  
~*~  
Gimli: There’s an Elf witch here. But she won’t fool me.  
Galadriel: (voice) You bring evil here. Go away.  
Gimli: I’ve the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox.  
(arrows appear in their face)  
Haldir: I could have shot you in the dark.  
Aragorn: We need your protection.  
Gimli: Peril. Let’s go.  
Haldir: No. Follow me.  
~*~  
Celeborn: You’re missing somebody. Where’s Gandalf?  
Galadriel: He has fallen into shadow. It’s ok. (speaking in Frodo’s head) Welcome… ONE WHO HAS SEEN THE EYE!  
~*~  
Legolas: A lament for Gandalf, which I will not translate.  
~*~  
Aragorn: Hey Boromir, rest.  
Boromir: She talked to me in my head. She talked smack about my father.  
~*~  
Galadriel: Look in my mirror.  
Frodo: Ok. (looks in mirror) AHHHH!  
Galadriel: I know. Give me the Ring.  
Frodo: (slowly holds out his hand)  
Galadriel: YOU’LL HAVE A QUEEN THAT’S BEAUTIFUL AND NOT DARK AND TERRIBLE. EVERYONE SHALL LOVE ME. Hey I passes the test. I’ll diminish and stay Galadriel.  
Frodo: I can't do this alone.  
Galadriel: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.  
~*~  
Saruman: Hey Uruk-Hai. Whom do you serve?  
Uruk-Hai: Saruman.  
Saruman: Bring me the halflings.  
~*~  
Galadriel: Here’s my light. Namarie.  
~*~  
(On Amon Hen)  
Aragorn: Frodo… my kings of old. I’ve always wanted to see that. Let’s get goin to Mordor.  
Gimli: That’s it? It’s a labyrinth, dangerous dangerous.  
Aragorn: Rest.  
Merry: Where’s Frodo?  
~*~  
Boromir: Can I have the Ring?  
Frodo: No.  
Boromir: GIVE IT!  
Frodo: You are not yourself.  
Boromir: GRRRRR!  
Frodo: (puts on Ring and runs off)  
Boromir: CURSE YOU! (falls) Oh no, I’m sorry Frodo!  
~*~  
Frodo: Boromir’s crazy!  
Aragorn: Where’s Ring?  
Frodo: Go away!  
Aragorn: Oh no! Orcs! Run!  
(Aragorn fights and Legolas and Gimli come in to help.)  
~*~  
Pippin: Hey Frodo, hide here.  
Merry: He’s leaving.  
Pippin: Oh no! Orcs!  
Merry: Run Frodo. HEY ORCS!!!  
~*~  
Legolas: Boromir’s horn. Let’s go.  
~*~  
Boromir: (fighting) (blows horn.) (gets shot with arrows.)  
Merry and Pippin: ** gasp ** (gets taken away)  
Boromir: Aragorn, I tried to hurt Frodo.  
Aragorn: Shh.  
Boromir: Don’t let the White City fall. My captain, my king. (he croaks)  
~*~  
Gimli: The fellowship is breaking.  
Aragorn: Not yet. Let’s hunt some orc.  
(Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli run off.)  
~*~  
Frodo: I hope the others find a safer way. Too bad we’ll never see them again.  
Sam: We may.  
Frodo: I’m glad you’re with me.  
(walk off)


End file.
